Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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