Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
