Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
