you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this will be a night to untag.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
