i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
