I just saw a hot homeless man
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
