How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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