oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
