Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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