splinters make it hard to masturbate
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
