at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
