there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
