saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
