It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
