Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
