I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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