Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
