I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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