What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
