I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
