he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
