The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
