it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize