My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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