people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
