Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
