You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
