Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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