Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
