The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize