So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
