i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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