So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
