yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize