dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
