so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
