If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
