I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
