i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
