I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
