you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
