would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
