Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
