I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
