Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize