plz talk dirty to me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
