So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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