We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
