his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
