i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
