woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
