Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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