Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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