I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
