Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
