There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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