No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
