so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
