You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
