I smell stomach acid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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