last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
