Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
