we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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