I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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