stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
