You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
