cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
