her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
