My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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