all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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