Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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