Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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