I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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