how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
