so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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