I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So vagazzling was a success
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
