Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
