He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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