the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
