i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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