sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize