I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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