HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
