Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
