I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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