I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize