Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
