I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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