I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
