can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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