I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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