My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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