Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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