yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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