yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
