3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
